do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
