mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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