omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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