whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
