I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
