Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
