I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
