just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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