I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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