I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
