so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
