Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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