what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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