home. puking in laundry basket.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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