Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
