My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
COCAINE IS GR8
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
