I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
