Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She's the barista slut.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
