Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
