You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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