Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Why can't burritos get me drunk
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
