I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
