Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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