I will die if light touches me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
