just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
