Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
