absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
