I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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