i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she peed on how many people?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
