whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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