woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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