He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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