Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
