Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
