it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
