3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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