Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
