What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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