I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were destined to go to rehab together
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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