Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
