2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
