worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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