he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
