We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
