his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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