i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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