I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
