so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize