dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
