Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
