At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
