Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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