dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
