he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
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i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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