I will die if light touches me.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
