the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
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We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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