did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
