life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
