A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize