Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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