so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
