we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
