Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
