just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
