I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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